The Joy of Belonging: How Community Renews the Soul
“Humans need community, for our emotional health. We need connection, a sense of belonging. We are not built to thrive in isolation.” This quote by Ann Napolitano says it all. I find in my private life and professional practice that everybody, introvert or extrovert, old or young, wealthy or poor, thrives on feeling connected and withers in isolation. Based on their tolerance for stimulation and other factors, some people prefer to meet 1:1 or in a small group while others thrive on the stimulation of bigger gatherings. As humans, we are “herd animals” and we are not wired to be alone. Modern humans evolved from people who lived in groups and relied on each other for survival. Being part of a group (even if it’s a group of two) meant safety. Being alone meant demise.
However, being surrounded by people does not equal community and connection. While most humans feel “safety in numbers”, it takes more than being surrounded by warm bodies to enjoy the company of others. It is being around people who make us feel known and appreciated, who share our interests, beliefs, and values, that makes us feel connected. Brenee Brown wrote that "Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment." When we have the opportunity to spend time in the presence of people who see, hear, and value us, it feeds our soul and fills us with joy. It can (temporarily) pull us out of a funk and help us to put things in perspective.
On a scientific level, the “feel good hormones” dopamine (helps us to feel pleasure), serotonin (the mood booster), endorphins (painkillers released by our bodies), and oxytocin (the “love hormone”), play a prominent role in feeling recharged by positive social interactions. According to a Harvard Medical School article, oxytocin “has been shown to decrease stress and anxiety levels (...) (and) can have a positive impact on social behaviors related to relaxation, trust, and overall psychological stability.” The activities that promote the release of serotonin and endorphins are not all strictly related to social interactions. However, we are more likely to eat well, spend time outside, and
exercise, when it is a shared activity. And who knew that laughter is a way to increase the release of endorphins, serotonin and dopamine?
People also find that prosocial behaviors that are intended to benefit others (e.g. contributing to a cause by volunteering) are an effective way to create a sense of being a part of something bigger as opposed to feeling alone and isolated. Not only does volunteering create the opportunity to be around and meet new people but it can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment as well. Double-win!
So, what gets in the way of choosing community and connection? Lack of time, not knowing the right people, or discomfort in social situations? It is true, there are many valid reasons why we don’t engage in social activities as much as would be beneficial for us. However, change starts with acknowledging the important role of connection. (If you don’t know about the detrimental effects of lack of sleep, you are much less likely to make changes to your sleep schedule, right?). We need to understand the importance of community and connection on our well-being to allow ourselves to invest time in meeting with a friend, joining a group, or attending an event with like-minded people. Hopefully this post can help to give you the motivation (or permission) to add “social time” to your busy schedule. It’s ok to prioritize connection because you deserve to feel good!
References:
Harvard Medical School. Feel-good hormones: How they affect your mind, mood, and body.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/feel-good-hormones-how-they-affect-yo ur-mind-mood-and-body
Harvard Medical School.Endorphins: The brain's natural pain reliever. http://health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/endorphins-the-brains-natural-pain-reliever