Love Languages
Love can often get lost in translation. Understanding love languages can be helpful for couples who feel like they are missing the mark when it comes to displays of affection and attention. It can also be helpful for individuals who are struggling to feel like their self-care routine is meeting their specific needs. Let’s first start by discussing what the five love languages are.
Quality time
Individuals whose love language is quality time feel best when they get to spend uninterrupted time with themselves, friends, family members, or colleagues. Receiving undivided attention that includes both fun recreational activities, as well as meaningful and transparent conversation is best. If you lean in this category, it’s likely that being with someone who is actively listening and fully present with all distractions put away is highly valued by you.
Words of Affirmation
People with words of affirmation as a love language feel best hearing understanding, validation, and affection through words, both written and verbal. Individuals who fall in this category tend to enjoy communication that is steady and consistent. Words of affirmation provide these folks with a feeling of security in the relationship and help them to feel seen, known, and appreciated.
Gifts
If you find yourself leaning towards gifts as a love language, this often means that, to you, a gift represents more than what is being offered. For these individuals, gifts symbolize a representation of love. Most of the time, it is not about the cost or size. Rather, gifts allow them to feel taken into consideration and as if the gift giver was intentional with their thought process and time to present them with a present.
Act of Service
Acts of service allow these individuals to feel considered and taken care of. People with acts of service as a love language deeply value when others go the extra mile to make their life a bit easier. These individuals truly believe that actions speak louder than words. Acts of service help them to feel appreciated and through both big and small moments of service they were thought of.
Physical Touch
If you find yourself in the category of physical touch, you like to receive some sort of affection through the physical display. People in this category feel loved through hugs, hand holding, cuddling, back rubs, kissing, and sexual intimacy. These Individuals feel safe in a relationship when physical intimacy is present and consensual as a representation of a deeper bond and connection with those around them and with themselves.
The more that we understand our own love languages and the love language of those around us, the more we can develop a sense of attachment and security. Here are a few ideas for displaying love languages in each category if you are in a relationship or if you are looking for ideas for personal self-care.
Quality Time
Couples
Go for a hike or walk together
Watch the sunset or sunrise
Have a picnic with your favorite food at a park
Personal Self-Care
Find some alone time
Take yourself out to your favorite restaurant or coffee shop
Begin a new hobby or project
Words of Affirmation
Couples
Tell your partner what you appreciate about them
Say “I love you” often
Express what you find attractive about your partner
Personal Self-Care
Find one thing that you appreciate about yourself every day
Redirect negative self-talk to more neutral self-talk
Develop a mantra
Gifts
Couples
Take a cooking or art class together
Buy your partner tickets to their favorite movie or artist
Plan a road trip or romantic get-away
Personal Self-Care
Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers
Plan a trip for yourself
Purchase a project or activity that you can do by yourself
Acts of Service
Couples
Cook dinner for your partner or bring them their favorite drink
Start a project, organize a space, or fix something that has broken and would be important to your partner
Offer to take on one responsibility that your partner does not like engaging in
Personal Self-Care
Volunteer somewhere
Schedule a therapy session
Communicate boundaries to those around you
Physical Touch
Couples
Give your partner a back rub or scalp rub
Hold your partner’s hand when taking a walk together
Book a couples massage
Personal Self-Care
Engage in a skincare routine
Take a warm bath
Wear your favorite cozy sweater or pajamas
Keep in mind that love languages differ from person to person. If you are hoping to understand another person’s love language or you are hoping that someone in your life might understand yours more deeply, it’s best to engage in a dialogue about preferences. It’s also important to keep in mind that love languages might shift over time. Having ongoing reflection with yourself and other loved ones will help prevent assumption making and increase a sense of connection and transparency.
-Annie Bretches, LPC, PLPC