Are Your Coping Skills Helpful or Healthy?
When experiencing emotional discomfort, we either cope through behaviors that numb or distract us or allow us to feel into the emotion. The behavior is either helpful or healthy.
Let’s break this down:
Helpful coping: behaviors that relieve discomfort in the short term but may involve harm to self, i.e. drinking, drugs, food, Netflix binges, online shopping, etc.
Healthy coping: behaviors that allow space to lean into the discomfort and offer sustainable ease and support, i.e. talking to a therapist or friend, journaling, prayer, movement, etc.
Emotions, comfortable or uncomfortable, demand to be felt. When we try to suppress what we feel through distraction (will revisit at a certain time) or avoidance (no plan to revisit), the intensity only builds, it doesn’t go away. Whereas, if we allow ourselves to lean into it we take the power away, we can manage it. This works best in a 3 step process:
Acknowledge the emotion and/or sensation - “I am feeling some discomfort”
Call it what it is - “I feel _________” ex. Hurt, ashamed, embarrassed, left out
Implement healthy coping behavior - “I am going to call my friend”
It’s okay to feel what you feel even when it’s uncomfortable, discomfort is part of the human experience. Next time you notice discomfort in your emotional state, walk through these three steps and notice how you feel after. Most importantly, affirm to yourself you are safe and can handle what you feel.