Creating A Tribe

“Without the human community, one single human being cannot survive.” -Dalai Lama

In modern times, frightfully, we have the ability to go through an entire day without actually interacting face to face with another human.  We can work remotely, get our groceries delivered, pay someone to pick up our laundry off of our front step and can text our friends and family members instead of inviting them over.  We have all struggled with staying connected in a world that facilitates disconnection- scrolling on our phones when out with friends, not saying hello to our neighbors and forgetting to call our family members on their birthdays. Sometimes our days are too hectic or packed too full of to-do’s to stay connected, but as our autonomy increases our human connection decreases and we oftentimes find ourselves isolated and lonely.

Loneliness not only makes us feel blue, it can also shorten our lifespan.  According to Dr. Vivek Murthy, the 19th Surgeon General to the US, weak social connections and loneliness can reduce a persons lifespan at the same rate as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.  Murthy also stated that, “During (his) years caring for patients, the most common pathology (he) saw was not heart disease or diabetes; it was loneliness.”

The antidote for loneliness is clear: its connection, real life, face to face, genuine connection.  And not just connecting with anyone who is around but connecting with your “tribe”.  Your tribe is a group of people who you have carefully picked to be a part of the intimate parts of your life, the people who support you and whom you support.  They may or may not be your family, your neighbors, your high school friend or your co-workers. 

Below are some steps to cultivating and maintaining your tribe:

1. Identify 3-5 people who are already a part of your tribe or you would like to be a part of your tribe.  Write down their names and be intentional in the coming weeks to connect with them.
   
   
2. Call someone on the above list and check in on how they are doing.  Even if it feels awkward to call because you are used to texting, make the added effort of a phone conversation.
   
   
3. Put down your phone during interactions with loved ones. Eye contact is one of the most important ways to connect with another person.  Putting down your phone during conversations with others will help you to feel connected.
   
   
4. Offer up your time.  Many times our tribe wont ask for our help without us offering it up first.  Identify a friend or family member who could use 15 minutes of your help and offer it up. This could be as simple as offering to walk their dog, run an errand for them, watch their child, or just be there for a chat.
   
   
5. Allow others to support you when you need it and ask for help.  Oftentimes when we actually do need help we are hesitant to accept it, for fear of feeling weak or owing something to others. It is this mentality that misses the idea that allowing others to support us in times of need strengthens the bonds of our tribe and adds value to the unit as a whole.  Reach out to someone in your support group this week and request their assistance on a task.

Amber Reed, LSCSW, LMAC
amber@kcresolve.com