Depression isn’t always that obvious.  In fact, it often can be referred to as the “invisible illness”. Just because she looks happy on the outside, doesn’t mean she feels that way on the inside, or even all the time. People that experience depression are often very careful to hide their feelings, putting a mask on to protect themselves.  
​
We then tell ourselves, "If she doesn’t look depressed, then she must not really be". How can you recognize if someone is struggling with depression? 

• Changes in behaviors: Risk taking, substance use, decreased performance in school, withdrawing from activities or friends, isolating in their room, not motivated, changes in eating patterns, sleeping too little or too much, difficulty concentrating
  
  
• Body language: lack of enthusiasm, decreased levels of energy, restlessness, fatigue, guarded, quiet
  
  
• Emotional shifts: anxious, agitated, hopeless, defensive, anger, guilt, poor self-esteem, indecisive, hostile, persistent boredom
  ​
• Topics of conversation: talking about feeling hopeless, feeling trapped, being a burden, irrational, overreacting to criticism, increased negativity, not accepting of praise or compliments
  
  

If you’re noticing a pattern of these changes in a friend or yourself, I encourage you to reach out. Seeing a therapist can help someone to understand why they are depressed, manage their emotions, and learn healthy ways to cope with life’s stressors.

Allison Kidd, LSCSW works with teens to help reframe their negative thought processes, increase motivation, and find hope for change. Studies say that 15-20% of teens will experience depression before adulthood and depression can worsen if not treated. Now is the time to start working towards looking and feeling happy.

• When we build up the destination in our head, we tend to glamorize.
  We forget all the barriers or things that still happen when we reach the destination. We forget that there will be conflict, hurt, struggles, and think that WHEN we get that job, WHEN we get that salary, WHEN we get married, WHEN we have the baby, WHEN we buy the house, that THAT’s when we will be happy and feel fulfilled. When focusing on the “WHEN”, we miss out on the “NOW”.

• When we stop chasing the destination, we can live in the journey.
  We will spend most of our life in the journey. If we make it to the destination, we often find ourselves wondering “What’s next?” or “Now what?” or even, “That’s it?” 
  
  People spend a lifetime looking forward to retirement to take the trip, enjoy leisure time, etc. However, they’re grinding so hard to get to retirement, that once they get there, they have no idea how to cope. They’ve been missing the chance to do hobbies, spend time with family, listen to the good music, enjoy a weekend, that when given the chance to do all those things, they don’t know how.
  
  
• It’s ok to be excited about the future, as long as you are thrilled about the process of getting there.  
  Learn to be okay with where you are now. Knowing that the "now" is part of getting to the "then" is essential in being able to enjoy it. Remember that THIS is your life. Each moment you get to choose how you are going to live it. You can most definitely spend it focusing on the future, or you can turn to your present, greet it, and welcome it with open arms. You have to be the person you are right now in order to get to the person you want to become. By being intentional and present in your daily life, you will be more fulfilled.

 

• Set realistic expectations: we expect that some days are going to be really great! We can also expect that some days will be really hard.
  Knowing these simple facts will make your expectations more realistic. Accepting this ebb and flow of each day is essential in being in the present, leaning into discomfort, and riding the wave of growth. We will never stop growing. And in my opinion, we will never reach the destination.

 

• Each day, your purpose is different. 
  Sometimes, my clients come to me shaken up because they don’t know their purpose in life. This broad and generic expectation that we all have to know our purpose in order to be happy is what sets people up to be unhappy. Each day, your purpose may look different. You have goals; you have dreams. Some people wake up and know they will be on a certain career path. Others don’t. BOTH are okay. Each day you will encounter people or situations that will make your purpose different. You may meet someone who shares something, teaches you something, or identifies something that completely changes the purpose you had for yourself 10 minutes ago. Knowing you’re going SOMEWHERE is important. Needing every detail or to know the purpose of your life as a whole is not. Being intentional and purposeful with your attitude, your time, your resources, and your mood each day will lead your life to a bigger purpose. You and the people you interact with--every person you reach--change or is impacted by YOU, both negatively OR positively. You get to decide which.  That's a purpose--that creates a trickle-down affect into how the people in our world feel or act, and that is a purpose that creates change.  

Robin Helget, LMSW, CPT
Millennial Therapist & Coach
robin@kcresolve.com
785.408.7529

A few weeks ago, I met with a new colleague who is quickly becoming a good friend, Dr. Michael Brown with Nature's Path. During our existentialist conversation, he told me of this study where a scientist looked at the molecules of water. Now, typically, I would have zoned out at the word "molecules", but as he began explaining, he shared that this Japanese scientist took images of the molecules of water as they were freezing. I know what you're thinking, "Ok, so?"

He explained more in that when the scientist, Masaru Emoto, put words next to the water such as "Love", "Evil", "Grace", "Discomfort", etc., the water molecules photographed completely different. When he played Mozart compared to rap music compared to hip-hop, the molecules looked completely different.

Research suggests that our thoughts are physically impacting the brain. We know these thoughts impact how feel, but Emoto suggests that our thoughts are impacting every single thing in our life, including the water we drink and ingest. I know, I know. Mind. Blown. Need more information? I did too. 

To see photographs of these images, please visit www.masaru-emoto.net/english/water-crystal.html

Our world is compromised of 70% water. Our bodies are made up of approximately 60%. Water is all around us. If our words, our thoughts, and our prayers or actions can impact something so complex like a water molecule, wouldn't our brains be impacted? Wouldn't it matter how we think or how we respond to other people? 

What does this mean to me?
​The more I begin to know, the more I realize how little I know. 

Everything interacts with each other. Our words are powerful. This test has been done in multiple languages from multiple water sources, and the results are the same. 

We are bigger influences on people and ourselves than we think. 

Be kind.
Be helpful.
Do good things.

Robin Helget, LMSW, CPT
robin@kcresolve.com

I want you to know they are not alone. I am here to connect: to hear your story and to help support you through the highs and lows of life.

As a counselor, I have the honor of being present with the hesitations, the fear, the need for answers and guidance in your first session. I also see the bravery, courage and self-belief gained through being vulnerable and sharing your story. I’m full of gratitude each time someone shows up because it means an opportunity to connect and see the world through a new set of eyes. It shows me that my clients believe in themselves, or they wouldn't be brave enough to show up in the first place.

A note to my future client...
Dear Client,

Thank you for showing up.
I feel your exhaustion.
Take a breath...in...out. You are not alone. Your courage does not go unnoticed.
I look forward to working together,
​
Your Counselor.


Jessica Nickels
Counseling Intern, Level 2
jessican.resolve@gmail.com 

For the last week, I have been trying to gather my thoughts into something that would be helpful for the public regarding the recent passing of Kansas City native Kate Spade and soon following, Anthony Bourdain. There are many directions I could take this blog post. As a child therapist, I thought about taking it to what conversations to have with your kids. As an adult therapist, I thought about taking it to talking about mental health and continuing the fight to end mental health stigma by simply being honest about how you're doing within your family and friend groups. However, as a young professional, I decided to take it another way.

We are dying of loneliness. 

In a world of connection, we are completely disconnected from the things that bring fulfillment to our lives. We are the richest, strongest and most resourceful we have ever been in America, yet we are the most unhappy group of humans thus far. Everything that we have been told to work for, milestones reached, or the number on our bank statements have been check boxes on a list that our culture has prescribed for us. Though, like many prescriptions, this one prescription doesn't work for everyone. It provides temporary solutions at times but only rids us of symptoms and does nothing to the underlying cause for the symptoms: loneliness, disconnection, and fear of not being accepted.

Depression yields the type of loneliness that you may think of when hearing the word; however, it also yields feeling alone within yourself. We may be surrounded by groups of people and feel like the only person in the room. Disconnection, too, yields this kind of loneliness.

Every human longs for connection. We want to be heard, liked, loved, a part of the group, and in the process of this, we learn scripts on how we should behave, how we should feel, and what we should be doing to fit in, so when we experience something that may threaten this connection to others, we disengage. We may isolate. We may hold secrets. We may be fearful to show what we are experiencing because we are afraid of the response of others. 

We have it all together.

At least, that's what we show in public. For example, no one knows that while posting the most recent glamour shot, the working from home picture, the going out on Friday with friends picture, all were posted while underneath the covers finding the perfect filter and forming the perfect caption that would let the world know how awesome my life is and how secure I am.

They have it all together.

At least, that's what we think when scrolling through social media accounts and seeing the person next to us in the stop light in the recently washed Range Rover. That's what everyone said about Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. No one was looking at the person underneath the portrayed masks that were shown on their brand or television shows. Did anyone know Kate's attempt at coping with depression with alcohol? Did anyone see the pain between Anthony's jokes and sense of humor? 

Like many other people who we deem "have it all", both Kate and Anthony suffered in silence. As powerhouses in their fields, a "boss babe", a mother, a husband, a father, a sister, a magnificent chef, an icon, an entrepreneur, a do-it-aller: Kate and Anthony did what many of us do daily: we wake up, put on our fake clothes and fake smiles, get in the fake cars and go through the motions.

As a society, we have to shift our perspective when things are difficult in our lives from "I'm broken and no one will love me" to "I am hurting, and that's okay." To understand that we are not broken because we have had a string of bad days or can't get out of bed or because we've suffered a gut-wrenching trauma is the biggest power we can have over our lives. When working with people, I believe it's fundamental that we, as humans, are showing others and living our lives to teach the following:

1.  It's okay to not be okay.
You know the conversations that go like this:
"Hey! How are you doing?"
"I'm good! How are you?"
"I'm fine! Thanks for asking." 

We're all guilty here. Either we've been the culprit of always saying "I'm good" or "I'm fine" or my personal favorite, "I've been good! Just really busy!" or we've accepted the answer from others as truth. Somewhere between the messages we've received and our experiences, we've come to believe that not being okay--not saying "I'm fine" or "good"--makes us a burden to others.

Challenge: Check the facts and your perspective bias. We are the most important people in our worlds. Because of this, we see things only from our lens. If you think you have no friends to talk to because everyone else "has it all together", ask yourself, "Have they really never been through hardship? Are they really incapable of understanding where I'm coming from or is it my fear from stopping me?" Do you generally help people when asked? If your friend came to you with the same problem, would you think they are a burden? Doubtfully. People, in general, like helping each other--like connecting with each other.

2.  Real connection is a vital part to the human experience.
It's imperative to our well-being that we have relationships with others. Although we are constantly connected online, this is not real connection. Connection is sitting down with someone to have coffee, to get to know someone else. Connection is sharing beliefs, experiences, hardships, wins, and values. Connection is knowing you are not alone and that you have others to do life with. It's being loved and liked for your authentic self--for who you really are--not just what you show others.

Challenge: Put your phone down. When waiting for a bus, for a doctor's appointment, in the grocery line, make an effort to create a conversation with people. Life is happening all around you. You are more surrounded with people than you think. Make yourself open to communicate with those around you, and you will likely be met with acceptance, not resistance.

3.  You are not alone. 
No matter who you are or what you are going through, there are always going to be the people who are going to have judgments around it. One of the most vulnerable and brave things we can do is show others our true selves, while the fear of being judged or rejected for these selves lurks in the background like a stranger in the shadows. These judgments are from those who may not understand what you are going through and have no idea how to appropriately respond, from those who have been through it but don't want to show vulnerability themselves, or from those who are incapable of empathy. The judgments are not a direct implication of you--it's of them. Remember that everyone else is doing the same thing as you: walking around with the pretty masks on, pretending, hiding, and faking. They are likely experiencing or going through something you are, but sometimes you have to be the first one to show vulnerability. Often times, you will be met with support..with words of "me too" or "I understand"...with words, more importantly of, "You are not alone."

To the hopeless: there is a way out of the darkness.
To the lonely: someone understands.
To the brokenhearted: it does get better.
To the grieving: it's ok to have happy moments.
To the suicidal: you & your life matter.
To those who've lost a loved one to suicide: it's ok to hurt.

Compassion is not a political thing. It's not a religious thing. It's not an industry thing or mental wellness thing. It's a human thing. Be kind to one another. Have authentic conversations. Tell people how you feel. Be willing to listen. Don't just read this and think "Oh that's a great idea" - do it. And when you do, post on social media about it so that others know they are cared for, loved, and that kindness does exist with the hashtag #dogoodkansascity 

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal ideation, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at:

Robin Helget, LMSW, CPT
Millennial Life Coach & Therapist
785-408-7529
robin@kcresolve.com

For more articles written by Robin, click here.

• Create a schedule: Obviously, teens want their free time. They want to feel relaxed and go at their own schedule. Creating some type of structure is important in helping to get them going, as well as feeling motivated and accomplished at the end of the day/week. Rule of thumb, wake up within 2 hours of when you do in the school year and go to bed within 2 hours as well. This allows the transition back to school to be more manageable.
  
  
• Make daily to-do lists: Even if it’s just minor things, it’s important to help get teens moving each day. For example: wash laundry, read a chapter, go to the park, workout, call a friend, visit a museum, journal, go for a hike, practice the piano, paint, etc.
  ​
• Get a job or volunteer: For some, a job helps support them in having a purpose. It provides social interaction, responsibility, and stimulation which can lead to more productivity in other areas. Transportation or age can sometimes deter teens from opportunities however even the simple things can create these benefits. For example: walk the neighbor’s dog, mow their lawn, volunteer at an animal shelter, babysit, etc.
  
  
• Community involvement: If a teen is active in their church, a youth group, an art club, sports team, etc., summer is a great time to strengthen this commitment. Plan an event, get to know the activity members, attend more events, and be more mindful in the interactions.
  
  
• Academic focused activities: Although summer is a time to relax from school, it’s also important to keep that brain growing. For example, schedule in time to: practice an instrument, strengthen foreign language (Duolingo app is great), read a book (something you enjoy), write short stories, take an art class, etc.
  
  

A message to teens: Reflect on what your summer was like last year. Was there something that you wish you had done differently? Did you feel motivated and accomplished to get things done? If you think that your summer could benefit from a little boost, I encourage you to create a Summer Bucket List. Think of all the things that you want to explore, create, complete, and achieve this summer and list them out. Then, create daily or weekly schedules for yourself that include some of these things. Too often, we wish we would have done something but didn’t make the time. Now is your chance to truly have a rewarding summer, full of purpose and accomplishment. Don’t forget to schedule in some down time to binge watch Netflix and hang out with friends. It’s your summer break after all!

If you need help creating structure or want to focus on combating those negative thoughts during your downtime, I encourage you to reach out. Summer is a great time to work through your anxiety or depression and learn new skills to support you now and in the next school year.  

Allison Kidd, LSCSW, LMAC
allison.resolve@gmail.com

The key to group therapy is regular attendance and participation. In order to get the most from the experience, it’s important to contribute. When you share your thoughts and experiences, others may find this to be meaningful to them. In turn, helping others will help you too.

What’s the difference between group and individual therapy?

• Individual therapy often focuses on the individual’s experiences and thoughts more in detail.
• Group therapy doesn’t focus as much attention on the details but rather learning new skills as a group. It’s then up to the individual to apply what they’ve learned in their everyday lives outside of group.
  
  

One of the concerns that teens express about talking with others is the privacy and confidentiality. Participants often sign an informed consent that protects their private information and what is shared. The goal is that peers protect themselves and each other. The common motto “what is said in group, stays in group”.

Please visit our website here to view a list of groups currently at Resolve. 

Allison Kidd, LSCSW, LMAC
allison.resolve@gmail.com

We all know the feeling that our furry friends bring us when we come home to them: they rush to the door, smother us in kisses, and suddenly any bad thing that happened in our day is gone simply by their incomparable presence. What you may not know is that your companion may qualify to be registered as an Emotional Support Animal for you! Let me give you the quick 411 on having an “ESA” in your life… 

What is an ESA?
Also called an assistance animal, an ESA is a companion animal that provides therapeutic benefit to an individual with a mental or psychiatric disability. 

What animals qualify for an ESA?
An emotional support animal can be any type of animal that serves as a companion to you, and can provide comfort or relief to any of your symptoms accompanying your mental disability. Although dogs are the most popular registered emotional support animals, there’s no reason your cat, bird, lizard, etc. cannot serve as your support, as long as you can prove their companionship brings a form of relief to your symptoms. 

Who qualifies to have an ESA?
Anyone with an identified and diagnosed mental disability qualifies to have an emotional support animal. 

Some of these diagnoses could include, but are not limited to :

• Learning Disorders
• ADHD or ADD
• Sexual Disorders
• Mental Retardation
• Bipolar Disorder
• Gender Identity Complications
• Substance-related Disorders
• Cognitive Disorders

 Where is your ESA qualified to go?
​Unlike a registered service dog, an ESA does not have open access to public places as many would think, however, there are some surprising places that an ESA is appropriate to take. Like an airplane! According to Service Dog Certification, Delta Airlines had over 250,000 emotional support animals fly with them last year! Additional to flying, an ESA qualifies to live within a home or apartment that has a “no pet” policy.

Your ESA is even approved to stay with you in a hotel when they’re officially registered!  

How does your companion become an ESA?
You must be certified as emotionally disabled by a psychologist, therapist, psychiatrist,
or other duly-licensed and/or certified mental health professional via a formal and appropriately
formatted letter on the professional’s agency letterhead.

Ensure that your letter contains the following:

1. Certification that you are a current patient of the signing mental health professional.
2. Certification that you are receiving treatment for a diagnosis described in the DSM-V.
3. Support from your mental health professional that you are substantially limited in performing or participating in at least one of life’s major activities because of your disability.
4. Support from your mental health professional stating that being prescribed an ESA would be an integral part of the treatment of your current condition.
5. Your letter must be dated no later than a year from the date of your departure if you are planning to utilize the letter to certify an ESA for traveling purposes.

The use of an ESA is growing substantially as people are learning all of the benefits that come from having a comforting companion by their side. Recently, even Uber has been working to incorporate ESA regulations within the rides that they offer! If after reading this article you feel that you would benefit
from having an ESA, be sure to talk to your mental health provider today! Comfort may be closer than you knew!

References:
How to Qualify for An Emotional Support Animal. (n.d.). Retrieved February 21, 2018, from
https://www.servicedogcertifications.org/how-to- qualify-for- an-emotional- support-animal

You’ve had a tough, long day at work. You’re driving home and envisioning walking in the door, leaving the stress of the day at the door, and having dinner ready on the table. But when you walk in, no one has started preparing dinner. Your chest immediately tightens; your patience disappears, and your anger rises.

Expectations are powerful.

We plan out the future in our minds and create viable options for whichever scenario unfolds. Expectations are a method of comforting ourselves and creating a false sense of control over an unknown situation. However, when our expectations aren’t met, we’re often left with disappointment, resentment, sadness, and anger – the infamous feelings that give expectations such a bad reputation.
We’ve all heard the phrases “don’t get your hopes up” and “if you don’t have any expectations, you won’t be disappointed.” Another common one is “should”: “I should have eaten better today” or “I should be able to handle all of this.” Each of these phrases sends the following false messages about expectations:

1. Expectations can only lead to negative feelings, such as failure, guilt, disappointment, resentment, frustration, and sadness.
   
   
2. The negative feelings that expectations produce should be avoided; therefore, expectations should be avoided.
   
   
3. The only way to succeed or feel happy is to have your expectations met. 

But what if the problem didn’t lie in the expectation itself, but rather in how we were dealing with it?
 
We can’t change our brain’s ability to create expectations, but we can change what we do with them and how much power we give them. Instead of avoiding expectations out of fear, we can focus on learning how to better manage our expectations and use them in a positive, constructive, and healthy manner.

1. Acknowledge. The first step to creating change is acknowledging when something needs to change. Pay attention to your body and any physical symptoms that suddenly appear when a situation doesn’t go as you planned. Notice the differences between the scenario in your mind and the scenario in front of you. Acknowledge you have an expectation. 
   
   
2. Ask. Communication plays a large role in successfully managing expectations. After you’ve acknowledged your expectation, communicate it with those around you. Ask clarifying questions to gain context and address any assumptions you may have. Ask yourself if the expectation is still realistic, helpful, or important.
   
   
3. Adjust. The key to healthy expectation management is flexibility. You’ve acknowledged you have an expectation, you’ve communicated it with others, and now you can adjust accordingly. Rather than having static and rigid expectations, your expectations are able to adapt, evolve, and improve to best suit your needs!
   
   

Elise Griggs
Counseling Intern
Resolve Counseling & Wellness

Suicide is not an isolated issue. It is a universal issue that affects individuals regardless of gender, race, socioeconomic background, and family structure. And as the Kansas City community has seen this year—suicide affects young people, too. As of June 2017, Johnson County, Kansas has experienced 11 suicides among children ages 25 and younger, and Jackson County as seen 17 suicides among the same age
group. The fact is, death by suicide is occurring among some of our youngest
individuals in our community.
​
For parents and caregivers reading this, it can be scary and overwhelming to
acknowledge the possibility of death by suicide occurring to a child. In the midst of
all this fear and uncertainty, there is hope. As a parent, you are armed with the
intimacy and ability to care and advocate for your child’s mental health and
wellbeing. No matter the health status of your own child, it is important to begin the
conversation about suicide now. In beginning that dialog and road towards healing,
here are four things to know when talking to your child about suicide.

1. Speak openly and honestly
One of the most common myths about suicide is that talking about
suicide can give someone the idea to kill himself or herself. For most
individuals, it can be a relief to have a loved one address their deepest
pain and lift a piece of that the burden. By speaking to your child
about suicide directly, you are reaching out your hand to comfort your
child and tell them that they are not in this suffering alone.

2. Express empathy
Being heard. It’s a simple concept, but can be one of the greatest gifts
to give your child. It can be so scary for an individual to experience
suicidal thoughts and contemplate something as serious as taking his
or her own life. In speaking with your child, it is important to withhold
any judgment or opinions and just listen.

In an effort to take away pain, sometimes we jump to a quick fix or
solution. We want to put a Band-Aid on the scraped knee instead of
letting the wound sit until it is properly cleaned and cared for. We say
things like, “But you’ve got such a great life ahead of you” or “At least
you have me.”

Suicidal thoughts don’t go away when they are dismissed. Remember to
seek understanding and express empathy before jumping to a
solution.

3. Offer Hope
Suicidal feelings and thoughts are temporary. They are not the
identity of the child and do not make the child weak or damaged. This
pain that the child is experiencing does not have to be the end of their
story.

4. Seek professional help when necessary
Suicidality operates on a continuum. It is not uncommon for an
individual to have suicidal thoughts at some point in their lives, but
that may not mean they have an intention or plan to act on those
thoughts.

Look for warning signs such as changes in behavior and mood,
depression, withdrawal and isolation.

If your child discloses that he or she has suicidal intentions or a plan,
it is important to take his or her threats seriously and seek
professional help.

Trust your instincts. You know your child best. If you notice that
something is not right, take that step for your child and get help.
If you find yourself in immediate crisis, call the confidential and free National Suicide
Prevention Lifeline at 1-800- 273-8255.

Sarah Kindscher, LPC, NCC
(913) 735-9348
sarah.resolve@gmail.com