“There's nothing wrong if you quit something – it's actually a very necessary component to success. 'Quitting' just means you get to redirect your energy and focus to new and better things." -
Warren Buffett once said, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” While I do not feel that I am prepared to say "no" to almost everything, I do feel empowered to say "No" to the things that are not best benefiting me and my mental wellness. There’s nothing wrong with you if you quit something--sometimes quitting is exactly what you need to do!
Young adults, Millennials, Generation XYZ (kidding ☺), whoever you may be, you’re may still be finding out who you are or who you want to be. Quitting things is going to be okay. Not only is it going to be okay, but it’s going to be imperative! Sometimes it’s worth quitting 99% of things you try just so you can find that 1% that really “clicks” with you.
Do you really expect your first shot at anything in life to be your best shot? It would be a pretty stress free life if the first time we attempted something it was always the best result.Part of the fun of experiencing life is to experience all of the trials and all of the errors; through all of these are when you discover who you are, what your interests are, and what you’re passionate about. It’s important to set goals for yourself, but it’s also important to remember that you can quit those goals and pursue new ones if you learn that those are not what set your soul on fire anymore.
Put it in the perspective of going to counseling. Sometimes you find your perfect counselor on the first try, but more than likely, you’ve had to try out a few different counselors before you could find one that was a great fit for you! So if you gave yourself the grace to try multiple counselors before finding the right fit, what’s stopping you from giving yourself the grace to try out multiple jobs, multiple schools, and multiple relationships?
Today I dare you to quit something.
I double dare you to quit something you feel trapped in.
I triple dog dare you to quit something that you’ve been thinking about quitting for a long time, but always let guilt overcome you causing you to stay!
You can do this! Branch out and try new things, you may just find the perfect fit is the thing that you thought was the most unlikely fit! Funny how life works out sometimes.
Andrea McDonald, Counseling Intern
Expectations can lead to disappointment. What we often fail to do is live life in the middle of it. We are so focused on the end goal that we MISS the life! - ROBIN HELGET
Our realities are formed by the thoughts of how life should be in our head.
The thoughts in our head can make or break us. For years, many of my clients and practically everyone I've had an honest conversation with, have struggled with something I call the “inner critic” or for some, “inner demons”. This critic is the voice that tells you how things could be better, creates expectations of how life or circumstances should be, or tells you that you are consistently missing the mark. It tells you that you can’t yet rest or be happy because you have to get “there” first--wherever “there” may be.
This critic is often a primary player in depression, anxiety, and trauma. If we listen to it long enough, the words of the critic start to become our truth. We believe what the critic tells us so much that we become unsatisfied with our lives and constantly beat ourselves up for making small mistakes, eating the cookie, yelling at our kids, or snapping at our significant others.
Have you ever been really excited about something? Something that you have been looking forward to for a long time? Maybe it was an event, a date, seeing a person or saving and buying an item. Or, maybe it was getting married, buying a house, having a baby. You created so much hype around this particular thing, envisioning what it would be like, how you would feel, and what you maybe would say. However, you quickly found yourself disappointed or frustrated. This was going to make you so happy! So why do you feel worse than you did before?
Expectations can lead to disappointment. What we often fail to do is live life in the middle of it. We are so focused on the end goal: of the event, of the day, of the baby, of the man, of the marriage, of the house, of the job, of the life--that we MISS the life! Focusing on the destination often leads to lack of fulfillment. Why?
Robin Helget, LMSW, CPT
Millennial Therapist & Coach
"The more I begin to know, the more I realize HOW LITTLE I know." - Robin Helget
A few weeks ago, I met with a new colleague who is quickly becoming a good friend, Dr. Michael Brown with Nature's Path. During our existentialist conversation, he told me of this study where a scientist looked at the molecules of water. Now, typically, I would have zoned out at the word "molecules", but as he began explaining, he shared that this Japanese scientist took images of the molecules of water as they were freezing. I know what you're thinking, "Ok, so?"
He explained more in that when the scientist, Masaru Emoto, put words next to the water such as "Love", "Evil", "Grace", "Discomfort", etc., the water molecules photographed completely different. When he played Mozart compared to rap music compared to hip-hop, the molecules looked completely different.
Research suggests that our thoughts are physically impacting the brain. We know these thoughts impact how feel, but Emoto suggests that our thoughts are impacting every single thing in our life, including the water we drink and ingest. I know, I know. Mind. Blown. Need more information? I did too.
To see photographs of these images, please visit www.masaru-emoto.net/english/water-crystal.html
Our world is compromised of 70% water. Our bodies are made up of approximately 60%. Water is all around us. If our words, our thoughts, and our prayers or actions can impact something so complex like a water molecule, wouldn't our brains be impacted? Wouldn't it matter how we think or how we respond to other people?
What does this mean to me?
The more I begin to know, the more I realize how little I know.
Everything interacts with each other. Our words are powerful. This test has been done in multiple languages from multiple water sources, and the results are the same.
We are bigger influences on people and ourselves than we think.
Do good things.
Robin Helget, LMSW, CPT
“Change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events, but rather the inner reorientation or self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. Unless transition happens, the change won’t work, because it doesn’t take.”- William Bridges
Life is ever-changing, but there are moments in our life when the transition can seem a bit more substantial than others. Graduating college, changing jobs, getting married, having a child, moving out of your parents house, these could all be classified as “big life transitions” and are defining moments in our lives. Many of the above mentioned transitions are also highly stressful and disrupt the established patterns we have created in the rhythm of life. That being said, big life transitions also give us the amazing opportunity to re-evaluate our day to day patterns and begin determining what was working for us previously as well as what we may want to incorporate into the new life we are creating.
Take a moment to pause and reflect
Our daily patterns, from where we buy our coffee to when we check our phones, often become habit by the third or fourth time we have done them, and we are slow to ask ourselves why we are doing things a certain way. When we change the scenery of our lives, with a new home or relationship, we get the opportunity to see our daily routine in a new light. Utilize this big life moment to step back for an hour (or even just ten minutes) and think about the pieces of your daily life that were life-giving and the pieces that were life-draining.
Write it down
After reflecting, spend some time writing down the things that were working well and those that aren’t working currently. Create a positive and negative list that helps you see whether a majority of your time is being spent. Once you have created this list, see if there are any behaviors, actions, or relationships that you would like to eliminate and those that you would like to see more of.
Imagine a Miracle
Imagine that a miracle has occurred and everything in your life is exactly as you would want it. What would you be spending your time doing? How would you start and end the day? Who would you hang out with? Use the information you have gathered from your positives and negatives list along with your miracle day to create a plan of action.
Create a plan of action for integrating these new ideas:
Amber Reed, LSCSW, LCAC
"Most of life is showing up. you do the best you can, which varies day by day." - regina brett
I want you to know they are not alone. I am here to connect: to hear your story and to help support you through the highs and lows of life.
As a counselor, I have the honor of being present with the hesitations, the fear, the need for answers and guidance in your first session. I also see the bravery, courage and self-belief gained through being vulnerable and sharing your story. I’m full of gratitude each time someone shows up because it means an opportunity to connect and see the world through a new set of eyes. It shows me that my clients believe in themselves, or they wouldn't be brave enough to show up in the first place.
A note to my future client...
Thank you for showing up.
I feel your exhaustion.
Take a breath...in...out. You are not alone. Your courage does not go unnoticed.
I look forward to working together,
Counseling Intern, Level 2
“Without the human community, one single human being cannot survive.” -Dalai Lama
In modern times, frightfully, we have the ability to go through an entire day without actually interacting face to face with another human. We can work remotely, get our groceries delivered, pay someone to pick up our laundry off of our front step and can text our friends and family members instead of inviting them over. We have all struggled with staying connected in a world that facilitates disconnection- scrolling on our phones when out with friends, not saying hello to our neighbors and forgetting to call our family members on their birthdays. Sometimes our days are too hectic or packed too full of to-do’s to stay connected, but as our autonomy increases our human connection decreases and we oftentimes find ourselves isolated and lonely.
Loneliness not only makes us feel blue, it can also shorten our lifespan. According to Dr. Vivek Murthy, the 19th Surgeon General to the US, weak social connections and loneliness can reduce a persons lifespan at the same rate as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Murthy also stated that, “During (his) years caring for patients, the most common pathology (he) saw was not heart disease or diabetes; it was loneliness.”
The antidote for loneliness is clear: its connection, real life, face to face, genuine connection. And not just connecting with anyone who is around but connecting with your “tribe”. Your tribe is a group of people who you have carefully picked to be a part of the intimate parts of your life, the people who support you and whom you support. They may or may not be your family, your neighbors, your high school friend or your co-workers.
Below are some steps to cultivating and maintaining your tribe:
Amber Reed, LSCSW, LMAC
Too often, we wish we would have done something but didn’t make the time. Now is your chance to truly have a rewarding summer, full of purpose and accomplishment.
It’s that time of year again! The weather is warming up, school is winding down, and teens are excitedly awaiting their summer. For many teens, summer plans include sleeping in, going to the pool with friends, less responsibilities, and less stress. Although this can be a great time to relax and recuperate from an overwhelming school year, the decreased structure and social connection can bring a variety of unwanted feelings. Many teens face a real challenge in the summer, especially for those experiencing depression.
Too much free time: When a teen doesn’t have the external expectations and structure that school provides, they have all that time to THINK. For those with depressive symptoms, their negative thoughts lead to distorted beliefs that they “don’t have a purpose”. These thoughts can lead to feelings of guilt, frustration, shame, and anger. School provides teens a sense of purpose and opportunity to feel accomplished on a daily basis.
Isolation: With all this free time, teens are more likely to isolate from family and friends. They get in a habit of watching tv, being alone, and closing themselves off from social activities. It’s often easier, and safer, in their minds to be alone. Although the school setting can create conflict and stress with peers, it also provides them the opportunity to check their negative thoughts with reality and make healthy comparisons with their peers.
Lack of stimulation: We all know that the school year can be overstimulating for many teens, especially those with anxiety and depression. The benefit to these social engagements is that it allows their attention and focus to be distracted from their negative thoughts and feelings. They may not always enjoy being stimulated in a classroom but can create healthy stimulation for themselves in the summer.
Structure and social connection are extremely important to continue throughout the summer to combat this. There are many ways that teens can continue to implement what school provides in a healthy and desirable way.
If you need help creating structure or want to focus on combating those negative thoughts during your downtime, I encourage you to reach out. Summer is a great time to work through your anxiety or depression and learn new skills to support you now and in the next school year.
Allison Kidd, LSCSW, LMAC
"IT is helpful for teens to hear from others that they have similar issues and this normalizes the challenges that they face, allowing them to not feel alone, feel more accepted with their peers, and feel a relief in being able to share about their struggles." - allison kidd
Let's start by answering the question I know you have: what is group therapy?
Group therapy is typically a psychoeducational group where skills are taught and then discussed and applied to each group members own life. Psychoeducational groups are where a clinician (therapist, counselor, social worker) brings together a group of individuals who have similar concerns and teaches them skills. This can include coping skills to help them manage difficult situations in a positive, healthy way. They can be social skills to learn about boundaries, communication, and practice them in a safe environment. Some groups focus specifically on anxiety, depression, grief and loss, or life transitions. The overall goal in group therapy is to help individuals better understand their self and have a deeper understanding of feelings, behaviors, and reactions.
Group therapy can be a very rewarding experience for those attending and participating. When teens engage, they practice giving and receiving support from peers. This can lead to hope, inspiration, encouragement, and validation. It also teaches empathy, which is important for this age group! Group therapy provides:
The key to group therapy is regular attendance and participation. In order to get the most from the experience, it’s important to contribute. When you share your thoughts and experiences, others may find this to be meaningful to them. In turn, helping others will help you too.
What’s the difference between group and individual therapy?
Please visit our website here to view a list of groups currently at Resolve.
Allison Kidd, LSCSW, LMAC
“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” – John Steinbeck
Last month, I shared the basics of self-care: its importance, why we struggle with it, and simple techniques to begin implementing into everyday life. If you need a refresher, check it out here!
This month, let’s take a deeper look into the different components and categories of self- care.
Self-care can consist of physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, relationship, and professional self-care. However, self-care by nature is unique, personal, and distinct to you so some of these categories may not resonate with you or maybe you have others that aren’t listed. These six aspects of self-care are a great starting point to begin viewing your health holistically and ever-evolving.
To assess your current levels of self-care, I encourage you to fill out this worksheet.
Each of these six categories play an important role in your life. Our physical health impacts our mood, ability, and overall health, while our psychological state directly influences the amount of creativity, problem-solving, and information processing we can produce. Our emotional and spiritual wellbeing powers our confidence and centeredness with ourselves and others. Relationship or social self-care is crucial in determining our levels of connectedness with others, arguably the strongest desire in humans. Professional self-care has become more and more important as our work and personal lives become more intertwined and woven together as one and as standards are constantly rising to perform.
While your environment may change constantly throughout the day, one thing remains constant: you. You have the power and the choice to determine how your energy and time is allocated. Prioritize yourself equally among your family, friends, and work. Begin by creating your own self-care wheel with ways in which you fill your self-care bucket, one category at a time. Once you have a picture of what it looks like when you’re balanced, use the wheel to guide your self-care activities when one area may be lacking.
Self-care is a habit that we must practice into existence. As with any new skill, be patient and allow yourself some grace. And most importantly, remember that you’re worth taking care of yourself.
“maybe, if you put your disbelief aside, roll up your sleeves, take some risks, and totally go for it, you’ll wake up one day and realize you’re living the kind of life you used to be jealous” - Jen SinCERO
The new year is here, and many see this as an opportunity to give up negative habits, such as unhealthy eating, overworking, or self-destructive behaviors. For those that like to make ritualistic New Year’s Resolutions, they often set themselves up for failure from the beginning because of three reasons: they set unrealistic goals, don’t create a strategy for these changes to occur, and don’t change their mindset.
Although it is refreshing to make little changes in our lives, it’s also an opportunity to let go of something less concrete: our own worst enemies, or our negative thoughts. Change, in general, is difficult, but if you try to change your behaviors without altering they way that you perceive them, lasting progress won’t occur.
6 Things to Let Go of in 2018:
1. Your self-defeating talk: “You are your own worst enemy.”
Often times, it is the negative assumptions that we create in our mind that prevents us from following through with change. We tell ourselves over and over that we “can’t do it” or “it won’t work”, thus altering our personal ability to try. What would happen if we encouraged ourselves? Would it boost our self-esteem and likelihood of making the effort, and then improving us to acknowledging success? Start the new year off by having more positive self-talk. Remind yourself of your amazing qualities, take credit for your efforts, and mentally encourage yourself to meet those goals.
2. Your need for control: We all desire a sense of control in our lives.
It gives us standards, boundaries, and comfort. However, the problem with focusing on this control is that you lose sight of what could happen if you were to just let loose. For many, this can be scary because the unknown may not turn out how we would have preferred and may challenge us in other ways. What’s the worst that could happen? It opens you up to seeing the positive or “silver lining”, allowing you to learn from mistakes or see things from a different perspective. I encourage you to just let it be sometimes. Allow the universe to work its magic and you might be surprised at how much easier or more satisfying this can be.
3. Your fears: Fear is an unpleasant emotion that we personally associate with something.
We categorize it as being scary, uncomfortable, or dangerous. We often worry that we won’t be good enough or won’t meet our or someone else’s expectations. What would happen if we let go of the dread that we have toward something and challenge ourselves? Could we overcome the fear? I wonder what is holding you back? Identify your fears, analyze why they are there, and what they are preventing you from doing. Then, adjust your mindset by using that fear to fuel your energy into doing it.
4. Your excuses: “I’ll start it later, now’s not the time, I already messed up, I don’t have time.”
These are common excuses we use to not follow through with change that they ultimately desire in their lives. Making an excuse is just you defending your fears that you won’t succeed (or in your mind – fail), that you can’t handle life without it, or that you aren’t capable of making this change. Make the time! If it is ultimately important to you, why not prioritize it? It might make you feel more accomplished and give you a sense of pride if you were to stop justifying why you aren’t doing it. Stop and notice when you make these excuses and ask yourself why not?
5. Your past: “Our past doesn’t define us”.
This is a common saying and although it can often be nice to see it from that perspective, it can also be a good thing that our past has gotten us to where we are now. In changing something, it can be helpful to reflect back on our past experiences, trials and tribulations, and what we learned in the process. The problem arises when we allow those past experiences to prevent us from moving forward. The goal is to reflect on your strengths and weaknesses, and use that to make it different in the future.
6. Your complaining: What does complaining do for us?
We rationalize how hard a change can be by psyching ourselves out and not actually following through. This is just a stalling tactic so that we can continue to put off the inevitable. It’s also a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more we tell ourselves how hard it’s going to be, the harder it will feel, and ultimately proving our initial prediction correct. We waste a lot of time and energy complaining about something when we could have just done it. Turn your complaints into positives. When you notice yourself whining about something trivial, use that energy to motivate you to “Just Do It” as Nike would say.
If you saw yourself in any of these six conversations, remember that to assist in your successful changes, you need to do three things: set realistic goals, create a strategy for a change to occur, and examine and alter your mindset. If you, or someone you know, needs assistance in letting go any of these automatic thoughts, schedule an appointment today to get started on this process towards change.
Allison Kidd, LMSW, LMAC