“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brene Brown
1. It is not my job to fix others.
Relax and let go of the need to take responsibility for other people’s pain! We have enough of our own pain on our plate, it is important to set the boundary of not adding the pain of others’ to our plates. It is also important to remember that you need to make a realistic decision about where people fit in your life based on who they are, and not who you want them to be! You have to stop treating people like you owe them something; you owe the attention to yourself!
2. It is okay if others get angry.
You can’t control this, nor should you feel that this is your responsibility. People are going to react to things in their own chosen way, and it is impossible for you to be in control of that! I know I know, if you are the reason that they’re angry you feel responsible to undo that anger, but I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. If someone is angry about something, that is their responsibility! Your responsibility is to maintain the boundary of not taking on their anger.
3. It is okay to say "no".
This one is my favorite! If you take anything away from this post please let it be this: it is okay to say no. You are only one person, and even though we all like to think that we can, we cannot single handedly take on the world. We cannot single-handly attend every birthday party, family reunion, wedding, or any other celebratory event. It is okay to say, "No, I cannot make it this time." The same goes for taking on new tasks. How many times do friends or family ask if you can do them a favor? If you don’t have time, SAY NO! If you do not set this boundary, you will burn yourself out and have no energy left for the most important person: yourself!
4. It is not my job to take responsibility for others.
Don’t you think that it’s hard enough to take full responsibility for your own actions sometimes? You cannot take responsibility for others because that is their responsibility. So often we want to help others and guide them in the right direction, but then we become frustrated when our guidance is not accepted or appreciated. If a person doesn’t want to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions, then it is not your job to take that responsibility! Nothing others do is because of you, what others say and do is a projection of their own reality!
6. It is my job to make me happy.
Your only job right now is to set goals to be happy; genuinely, intensely, and consistently happy, regardless of what that looks like to others. When you become a happier human being as a result of letting go of certain people or things, that’s the universe’s way of letting you know that you made the right choice.
7. Nobody has to agree with me.
Don’t take things personally if someone does not see eye to eye with you on something. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. You don’t have to agree with a person to earn their respect, and they don’t have to agree with you to earn yours, you don’t always need someone to agree with you!
8. I have a right to my own feelings.
Just as we do not have control over the way that someone else feels about something, nobody has the control over the way that we feel about something. It’s not someone else’s job to decide if they hurt you or made you feel some type of way! Your feelings are valid. You have the right to feel whatever you feel. You aren’t exaggerating. You aren’t being too sensitive. You aren’t being dramatic. You’re hurting, and that’s okay!
9. I am enough.
Repeat 10x’s every morning that you wake up, because there is nothing more true. No matter what, you are always enough! You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously, and that’s the great thing about being human! Brene Brown said it best when she said that authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are!