Hello and Welcome to the Present! I know you are here, because you are reading this article! Allow yourself to be fully in this moment and explore what is here for you.

We have a strong tendency to focus on what ‘was’ or what ‘will be’ rather than what ‘is’. This habit can be a stumbling block when we allow regrets of the past or fear of the future to take over our present moments.

How do we know if we are giving more attention to the past or the future than the present? There are some obvious word-clues that we give ourselves to discover if we are over-focused on past or future. If you notice that you are frequently using any of the following phrases, you are probably dealing with some past challenges or future fears that are limiting you from being fully present to this life-moment.

Phrases indicating we may be Past Over-Focused:
If I only…
I should have…
I wish I would have…
I could have…
I am not good enough…smart enough…

Phrases indicating we may be Future Over-Focused:
What if…
I’m worried about…
I know I can’t…
I’m trying to…
I won’t be able to…

In addition to our thoughts/words, our bodies and emotions send up ‘help needed’ flags when we are spending a lot of time focused on the past or future. These physical and emotional clues are a natural part of life, it is when they are extreme or ever-present that we know an adjustment is needed.

Body clues:
Tension head ache - ‘trying to figure this out’
Restricted throat - ‘holding back words that want to be expressed’
    Heart ache - ‘buried sadness’
Emotional clues:
    Confusion, stress, anxiety, worry, sadness, anger…

When we are not present in the moment, we are not truly living, rather we are engaged with our past perception of ‘what was’ or our future hope of ‘what may be’.

That which we call the past, present, and future are reflections of life’s amazing spectrum. All are important for a full life experience. It is the flow between these aspects that keeps us in a healthy relationship with the whole of who we are.

The wonderful gift of Awareness, is that it happens ‘in the present moment’ and that is the space where all creation occurs. Therefore, in the Present is where we can make peace with the past and be in a balanced place to step into the next moment, which is the future.

Awareness can rise like the morning sun or whack us up the side of the head like a two-by-four. When I was in my early 30’s I had one of those rude awakenings. My beloved Mother passed and almost simultaneously, I became painfully aware that I was emotionally, spiritually and often physically alone in my marriage. In addition to my deep sadness, I also experienced the rise of intense anger that I did not know had been stuck in the muddy waters of my emotion. The dam I had built around the belief, “It’s not OK to get angry,” burst wide open and in the present moment I was flooded with years of repressed anger.

Gifts come in a variety of packages. The gift of this experience for me was the opportunity to be conscious ‘in the moment’ of an old belief that no longer served me. In that moment, I knew it was not only ‘OK’ it was ‘absolutely necessary’ to my well-being that I freely express the emotions that had been imprisoned for so many years.

With professional guidance and a safe, caring environment I discovered it was natural for me to be sad for my Mother’s loss and also to be angry that she was no longer here. It was natural for me to experience sadness and anger for the loss of what I thought was a marriage partnership.

In allowing the truth of these emotions to flow I gained freedom of the past and clarity for the future. In the space of recognizing and accepting ‘what is’ I could respond to the present rather than reacting to the past. When we are consciously present in the moment we are able to honor our past and make positive and life-giving choices for our future. If you notice a desire for a more harmonious Present, there is support for you at Resolve. Contact us Today!

ILENE KIMSEY, PhD
Resolve – Counseling and Wellness
Prairie Village, KS

    I grew up in a small town of about 6-800 people on any given day. I don’t say an exact number because people were always coming and going and getting new farm animals, and of course the population reflects everyone’s livestock. (That’s a joke). I wasn’t a special child. I did things that normal children did. I played outside with my brothers, pretended my living room was a tiger battlefield or a baseball field and let my imagination take me wherever it wanted. I didn’t have the best gadgets or the most expensive toys, and I believe this led to a profound ability to be able to use my imagination.

    Today, more and more kids are being deprived of that imagination. They don’t get to create worlds inside their mind and play it out with their bodies. They don’t believe in magic. They don’t create or use their creativity as much as we once saw before iPads and tablets. In fact, they are using these devices significantly more than many adults do.  Children will not remember the time they spent on their iPad playing games when they are older. They will remember the relationships, the experiences, the memories, and how people in their lives took the time to listen to them, to communicate with them the way they know how. They will remember the person who helped them when they were hurt, comforted them when they cried, laughed until their tummies hurt over a silly game, and seeing new things for the first time. People build relationships. Technology builds distance.  Read the impacts of technology on children here.

Children need to be able to play. They need to explore. They need to learn how to do things themselves. Play helps them figure things out on their own instead of having someone else do it just because the adult can get it done faster and more efficient. The more they can problem-solve on their own, the more self-confident they can become.

    When I tell people I’m a play therapist, I often get one of two looks: confusion and an “uh-huh that’s cute but what can that do for my child” look. Play therapy is still a fairly uncommon type of therapy that many people and parents don’t know about.  Play therapy is a type of language. It’s the language children use to communicate. Often times, as adults, we tend to think that children have the capacity to communicate just as we do --through words. However, many times, children cannot identify how they are feeling or communicate their experiences because they don’t have the brain development and vocabulary to do so.

    Play is the language. Toys are the words. Children communicate their experiences through toys, through art, and through the process of play. Often, it’s not about what the child is playing with, but the process, the feelings that come out, the dialogue used, and whether the child engages the therapist in the play. Sometimes, the therapist will have activities of what to do with the child, and other times the therapist will allow the child to use the toys to experience whatever they need to in that moment.

    Children  play in themes in order to solve conflicts or re-enact problems at home, at school or within relationships. The play therapist narrates the play, adding feeling words and helping them process through the conflict on their own. Children who have experienced trauma, however, may have a more difficult time connecting with the toys and with the therapist. With them, it’s often about the relationship with the therapist first, and while we would all like it to be a quick fix, this process could take months until the child feels completely safe.

    Plato said that one can learn more about another in an hour of play, than in a year of conversation.  Play allows children, teens and even adults, process their emotions and traumas in a subconscious way--a way where they don’t have to speak, don’t have to talk, don’t have to be judged. They can just be themselves. They can just play.

Robin Helget, LMSW, CPT
Resolve - Counseling and Wellness
Prairie Village, KS