Welcoming the Feelings Within
No one likes anxiety. It’s uncomfortable, intrusive, and tends to burst in like an uninvited guest. If only we could just make it go away. Buh-bye worries, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
Yeah, if only. The desire to feel better at any cost is an absolutely human one. We can get pretty creative in our efforts to chase unwanted feelings away, too. Common maneuvers are talking ourselves out of our feelings, beating ourselves up for feeling them in the first place, or trying to escape (hello, excessive gaming, drinking, porn, sleeping, overspending, and overeating). Some behaviors can actually help us feel better, briefly. But without fail, anxiety and uncomfortable emotions pop right back up again, like whack-a-mole. Unfortunately, they have a way of returning with even greater force once they’ve been pushed down or bullied away.
So what to do? Despite what we tend to think, discomfort is just part of being human––it is not a problem to be solved. Feelings aren’t “good or bad,” they just are. And weirdly, struggling with them or trying to shove them aside can actually make them take hold more ferociously. What we CAN do is learn how to sit with those uncomfortable feelings, be curious about why we are having them in the first place, and show compassion for ourselves in their presence. Above all, here’s a true fact: there is nothing wrong with you. You are not defective in some way because you aren’t happy all the time. We all get to experience a huge range of emotions...and it actually helps to greet them at the door, acknowledge them, and decide how we want to respond in their company, whether or not they’re welcome. If we deal with the world as it is, instead of wishing it could be different, we do ourselves a solid favor.
When we, as humans, are willing to experience tough emotions and create space for them, we can listen to what they are telling us. Feelings are essentially raw data. Instead of running away from pain (or amplifying it with an anxious struggle) we can pause, take a few mental notes, and respond in new ways to help us feel better and live more meaningful lives. This is the heart of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Living purposefully beside our discomfort is more powerful than struggling to get rid of it.
Life has so many moments. In every one of them, who do you want to be? In the end, it’s your choice, even in the face of anxiety. Uncomfortable feelings can weigh in, but they don’t get to call the shots. That privilege is all yours.